Yesterday when we went shopping to Urban Outfitters, they had the cutest book there called, “Adulting.”

This looked like an entertaining but PRACTICAL book for all 20 somethings to read and learn a little about REAL life. It was brilliant.

For example, here is one small excerpt:

When some asks you to do something, you have three options:

• Option A: Say yes
• Option B: Say no
• Option C: Say “Gosh, that sounds wonderful, but please let me check my schedule,” then get back to them within 24 hours with Option A or Option B.

You’ll notice there was no Option D: Say ‘maybe’ on that list. Because ‘maybe’ implies many things, none of them flattering:
• “Perhaps I’ll go, if nothing better comes up between now and then.”
• “Your invitation isn’t important enough for me to decide one way or another until the day-of.”
• “I am a flake who can’t even commit to an afternoon of something.”

I am really terrible about Rsvp’ing, because I feel guilty saying no to invitations then tell myself that not replying at all is better than saying no. It isn’t. If you say no, maybe it’s slightly disappointing (because honestly, my presence or not isn’t going to make or break anyone’s afternoon). If you don’t say anything, you are compounding the slight disappointment of your non-presence with rudeness and flakiness.

Obviously, there’s a much higher expectation level with, say, a wedding than a houseparty. Here are some considerations:

• Is this person going to spend money and/or plan ahead based on my presence? (Think weddings and dinner parties)

• Are more than 15 people invited? Your non-presence will be felt in a gathering of less than 15, and should be noted accordingly.

• Is this your last chance to see someone for awhile? Going-away parties, even if they are large, should be Rsvp’ed to.

But you should always err on the side of Rsvp’ing yes or no, because if everyone assumes that it’s not that important to Rsvp, then the host really has no idea how many people will come. And that is the worst. Just in general, unless you have a compelling reason not to, it’s kind to go to people’s parties and celebrate with them. So do unto others and Rsvp.

Love it. And many haven’t been taught the social graces, or what to keep ready in their refrigerator, or how to write a resumé and prepare for a job interview.

Get the book on Amazon, it’s a bit less than Urban Outfitters.

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